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dailypax.com 

~ lisa 

Texas Sunset ... I'll be chasing the sun west.

Physical Weakness

For a while longer I live in this body of weak flesh and bones.
I struggle and moan.
Not to be free of this it, my earthly tent,

but for my body to be brought to its end.
Not to die, but to get rid of the mortal part,

the part that breaks and is weak. 
My body longs for its fulfillment ~ 
God has already given me the Spiritual part of 

this glorified body ... 
I simply wait now for the completion his promise,

to make all things new. 

Separation

The hollow feeling of seeing her move from me into the world.
A world where I am not really welcome. Nor do I need to be.
A world where my presence screams of her need for help --
My feet stay, but my heart tears apart, as half goes with her.

The same breeze that flips up her hair, enlivening her with freedom,
       encircles me
           stopping time
                emphasizing my isolation

Yet, God is good. And at this moment her independence reminds me of this fact. And so, I am thankful. 

the Sun Sought Me Out

Sitting at the windown of a lonely coffee shop, I suddenly feel the sun on my face. The day has been overcast, with sprinkles of rain off and on.

I'm frozen in this moment. Sitting just so, with a perfect break in the cloud coverage, the sun cast its last rays of warmth on my face.

As it melts on the horizon, I'm reminded that today is over, and when I feel the warmth of the sun tomorrow, I will have another day.

A new day of life.
A new day to breathe.
A new day to love those in my life.

I smile, in thanksgiving for the opportunity to stop for a moment in the fading warmth of the sun and thank God for all his blessings.

her body waits

her body waits

a top the lonely hill of roses

  cold

    dark

      still

our lives rush on

we travel here and there

when we pass, we remember …

“That’s where she’s buried”

we remember 

   yet our hearts, still beating

        our lungs, still pulling in air

she lies silently

waiting

  cold

    dark

      still

waiting for the day

when all shall rise

her body then ...

    beautiful

        glorious

           warm 

             alive

Reflections on God’s Blessings and Thankfulness

Recent autumn winds brought a brush fire near our church a few weeks ago. Several members called to checked in to see if the building was safe. Thank you for your thoughtfulness; it was close, but we were never in any danger. It was about 3 p.m. when I heard the cadre of fire trucks around the church - up and down Bonita Canyon, in front of the church and around the side. I was busy at a computer and didn’t get up to see what the commotion was until about an hour of noise.

Dark, thick smoke was pouring into the sky above what appeared to be a home in the surrounding neighborhood. It was difficult to imagine the fire fighters had not contained the fire by this time. Trucks from many neighboring cities were trying to reach the flames. The convoluted streets behind the church made the job difficult. Later we found out the fire was climbing up the small canyon between the church and Spy Glass Hill. The huge trucks lumbered in and out of the streets vying for the best position to fight the flames; one could sense their frustration. Overhead, helicopters disappeared into the choking smoke to drop flame retardant materials on the crackling fire. As I watched, some dipped in a little close, my heart sank. I stood at the top of the outside stairs for some time, before I decided to join the group of neighbors and business people that had begun to congregate at the small service road just down the street. As I drew closer I was shocked to discover the conversation.

“I can’t believe those fire trucks are still driving around. If my house was on fire, and it took them almost an hour to figure out where to go, I’d be so mad. I’d really be pissed.”

I was taken aback at this woman’s bluntness and her apparent lack of pity for the firefighters. Her thoughts were only of her possessions and home; obviously she had a deep attachment for her “stuff.” I headed back to the church for Evening Prayer but couldn’t help reflecting on her attitude in light of all the risks that were being taken. Thanklessness is something that I have also struggled with in my own life, as many of us have. By the grace of God I’ve made some strides. When I look at the world around me it seems we’re struggling with it less and less. Our thoughts seem only to focus on ourselves and it appears that thankfulness has moved off our radar as a culture. I’d like to share some of my musings and encourage you to consider your own attitude of thankfulness this Advent season.

In our Book of Common Prayer, used at both Morning and Evening Prayer, the General Thanksgiving states:

"We bless [thank] thee for our creation, preservation, and all the blessings of this life; but above all, for thine inestimable love in the redemption of the world by our Lord Jesus Christ." 

Taking a bit of time to reflect on each part; let’s start with We bless thee for our creation. It is interesting to stop and consider being thankful for being created. The Psalmist acknowledges this fact and offers God his praise.

“For You formed my inward parts; You covered me in my mother’s womb. I will praise You, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made. Marvelous are Your works, And that my soul knows very well.” Psalm 139:13-14

It’s ironic that most of my life I took this for granted. It wasn’t until I was well into my 30s that I began to think differently. I had occasion to pray with a group of women from St. Matthew’s Church. It happened to be my step-mother, Donna’s, birthday, and she happened to be in the group at prayer that day. We prayed for her, asking God to bless her life, but then she prayed; simple words sincerely spoken,

“Thank you God for giving me life.” 

Life, which I had no hand in creating, is a gift, and something I should be thankful for. Although I have experienced deep sorrow and sadness, I am alive. I love and am loved. I laugh and I cry. I feel the warmth of the sun on my skin and delight at the crisp autumn air. I enjoy the comfort of friends, and family, and the presence of God in my life. I may not like getting older, but I am thankful that I am alive.

[We bless thee for our] preservation. I believe this part of the prayer is talking about preservation in a broad sense. God created our world, one that He said was good. And in His divine providence He sustains it, preserves it. With all our technological advances, we are fooled into thinking that we preserve our life; that we are in control. If we’re cold, we turn on the heater; if we don’t understand something, we “Google” it. If we’re not feeling well, we simply head down the street to any number of drug stores and buy the remedy. Yet, I’m convinced our control is an illusion. Ultimately God is in control. The writer of Proverbs candidly reveals his own struggles.

“I neither learned wisdom nor have knowledge of the Holy One. Who has ascended into heaven, or descended? Who has gathered the wind in His fists? Who has bound the waters in a garment? Who has established all the ends of the earth?” Proverbs, 30:3-4

I don’t know about you, but I’m a little weary of trying to be in control, especially in light of all the chaos in our world. I’ve been working on letting things go. I’m thankful to have a God to whom I can say, “I am weary, O God, and worn out.” Prov 30:1 What a comfort to know he is not only all-powerful, but loves me enough to take care of the things I take for granted and sometimes take credit for.
[We bless thee for] all the blessings of this life. The most recent season of instructions in my spiritual life has been a series of lessons on contentment – embracing the truth that God is the giver of all the blessings in my life, and then struggling, daily, with pride and envy. We have a gem of a book by Brother John-Charles in our church's bookstore: Seven Deadly Sins, Seven Grace-ful Virtues and the Seven Mystical or Spiritual Gifts. In the first two chapters, Br. John-Charles beautifully weaves together the “Deadly Sins” and the “Graceful Virtues.” He contends that thankfulness is the answer to envy. He warns,

“The major remedy for envy is to grasp the reality of God’s providence and to be thankful … If we are deliberately and persistently envious, we cannot truly love God, because envy destroys our love of others who are God’s children.”

When I’m constantly comparing myself and my possessions to what others have, I am really saying to God, “What You’ve given me just isn’t good enough.” I fail to see the things He has set before me; the “good works” He has prepared for me to do. I am consumed with thoughts only of myself. This works against Christian fellowship and our ability to love. By embracing thankfulness the spoiler of envy, we get contentment thrown in as the by-product. Once this is put into perspective, we can flourish and develop into a real community that can love each other and stop competing with each other. Then we will honestly be free to,

"Rejoice with those who rejoice, and weep with those who weep. Be of the same mind toward one another. Do not be wise in your own opinion.” (Romans 12:15, 16a, 16c)

We are no longer bound by the thoughts “Why me?” or “Why not me?” but instead think, “Thank you Lord” and “What do you want me to learn from this?” What a blessing to be freed of self-consuming thoughts.
The closing phrase in our Communion service is really at the heart of a Christian’s thankfulness:

“[we bless thee] above all, for thine inestimable love in the redemption of the world by our Lord Jesus Christ.” 

Our petty murmuring and complaints are silenced when confronted with the gift given in the Christ child. To think that God would give his son, born to a humble virgin, that he would consent to mingle with us, broken, sinful creatures, that He would love us, instruct us, then willingly die for us – it’s overwhelming. We hear the words of comfort in our liturgy every Sunday, 

“So God loved the world, that he gave his only-begotten Son, to the end that all that believe in him should not perish, but have everlasting life.” (John 3:16)

We lift up our hearts in response to these comforting words and agree with the priest that it is “meet and right” to give thanks unto our Lord God. Our corporate voice then joins the heavenly choir in the ancient hymn:

 “Holy, Holy, Holy, Lord God of hosts, Heaven and earth are full of thy glory.” (Isaiah 6:3, Revelation 4:8)

We are invited to come to His table and feed on His body and blood … then return to our struggles uplifted with the spiritual strength needed to meet the demands of another week. But now our hearts and minds are focused past this world and on to the next. How can we repay this gift? I ask along with the Psalmist; 

“What reward shall I give unto the LORD for all the benefits that he hath done unto me?” (116:11)

After reflection my voice becomes an echo of his,

“I will receive the cup of salvation, and call upon the Name of the LORD. I will offer to thee the sacrifice of thanksgiving.” (116:12, 15)